Interview with Truck-Napper

Bare with me guys. There were a lot of questions to answer. :) I am the italics and truck-napper is in bold lettering. Enjoy!

Hey, truck-napper. Thanks for taking the time to do this interview.

*Shrugs* No problem. I guess Bella was serious about having to work so I have free time.

Are you saying that you wouldn't have come if Bella wasn't busy?

*Grins apologetically*

You know I could always have Jake decide to switch teams...

*Glares* That's not funny

Wouldn't he and Bella make a cute couple?

My fans would hunt you down.

*Gulps* Very true

*Grins smugly* So wasn't there some questions?

Oh yeah. *Looks for paper with the questions*

*Rolls eyes* the desk in the corner

Here we go! *Clears throat* So our friend Chele the original wants to know, how scared are you of meeting Chief Swan on a scale from one to ten?

*Blanches* Me? I'm- *Clears throat* I'm not scared. Maybe... a one?

*Raises eyebrows* If you're not honest I'm going to rewrite your character with a facial twitch and a very unfortunate stutter. *Snickers* I could make you little Sammy Sprinklers!

*Mumbles something under breath* You are a different breed of evil. *Sigh* Fine, ten being a ravenous man eating hippo that's lost all it's teeth so it has to gum you to death... seven?

*Laughs*

*Frowns* Hey, he has guns. Big guns! And I didn't make the best first impression.

*Tisks* You should have known better, buddy

Next question?

Fine. Krizma wants to know about the tattoos. What and where are they? And you should know she winked when she asked.

How do you know that? Didn't they all type their questions?

Emoticons, Edward. Emoticons. *Rolls eyes* Now stop avoiding the question.

*Sighs* I have the tattoo of my mother's name on the inside of my wrist of course. Then I have the Chinese symbol for family on my left bicep that I got in college. Jasper and I got Cullen tattooed across our upper backs between the shoulder blades when he turned eighteen.

And what was Bella's reaction to those?

*Grins goofily*

Okay then. Rosebud024 has a lot of questions. You ready for this?

*grins* I'm sure I can handle it.

*snickers* Okay then. Do you want anymore tattoos?

What is it with you girls and tattoos?

Aren't I the one asking questions? They're hot okay.

*Rolls eyes* I might be up for another one in the future but I don't want to end up looking like a walking ink shop.

Fair enough. She also wants to know who your favorite card writer is...

Hallmark

Gasp!

*Holds hands up* Kidding. Bella of course! Her boss is insane. Those cards are hilarious!

Aren't they supposed to be CONDOLENCE cards?

*Shrugs*

Alright. Moving right along. Her next question is, have you ever dated a gay man?

What?! Let me see that paper! That's not what she asked.

*Nods, holding paper closer* She did. I'm quoting her words exactly.

*Huffs* I have never and will never date a gay man

*Smirks* Not even Jacob Black?

No gay men! Ever!

What about straight men?

You are not as funny as you think you are, Marie. I will never and have never dated a man. Next. Question.

*Laughs* Don't get testy there, truck-napper. I'm just the messenger. Her next question is, if you never met Bella what kind of girl would you go for? Independent or dependent?

*Scoffs* No contest. Independent. I like doing things for my girl but no guy wants a girl that can't do anything without you. Major turn off.

Good answer. *Grins* Her last question: have you ever pulled off someones S.E.X bracelet?

*Frowns* What?

*Shrugs* The bracelets. They're different colors and if you snap one off...

We didn't have that game when I was in school. What happened to spinning the bottle?

*Shrugs* I have no idea. Is that a no?

I didn't even know what they were...

Okay, here's some more questions. TWIHARDalltheway wants to know why nothing bothers you.

*Sighs* Things bother me sometimes but I try not to over react. When Bella is teasing me for instance. She's just teasing. That's no reason to go mental on her. There's enough of that from her side. *Rolls eyes*

*Laughs* I'm telling! I'm telling!

*Talking over Marie* I guess I just try not to stress the little things.

Good philosophy. I should try that some time. Alrighty, MagentaFunBubble wants to know what you would say to Bella if she said she was getting fat.

*Sits up straighter and rehearses* "You look beautiful, Baby. You always look beautiful."

*Snickers*

That's exactly what I would say. That's also what I say to, "does this dress make me look fat?" and "I think the hair dresser messed up. Does it look okay to you?"

Probably safer

*Nods* But in all honesty I don't love Bella because she's hot. ...it's a plus... But that's not what makes her db.

*Swoons* Did you rehearse these answers in the mirror before you came?

*Grins*

*Shakes head.* Alright, on to some tougher questions...

*Gulps* Tougher?

*Nods* Lauren James wants to know when you first realized you were in love with Bella

*Smiles* I think I started falling for her when she helped me with making Em look gay. *Chuckles* But I knew for sure the night we ate on the roof. That was the first time we got a chance to really talk and it all came together then. I guess that's when I felt like I really knew her. She's fun, and sarcastic, and doesn't take my crap. But there's more to her than that. She almost cried when I was telling her about my mom and then she told me about giving up her dream job to come take care of her dad. She's very compassionate too; she just doesn't like to show it.

You guys are so cute!

*Rolls eyes* Well I wasn't going to say something cheesy like, 'she's everything!'

She is though?

*grins* Of course. It's just cheesy to say.

*Laughs* That brings us to a question from GoLdEnAnGeL80. What are you going to do when it's time for you to go back to Chicago?

*Frowns* I haven't really thought about it. I have to get back to work soon after the wedding and I know I can't ask Bella to leave her life so I'm hoping we'll start a long distance relationship. I plan on calling her five times a day, driving the guys at work nuts with stories about her. Hmm... we'll have to get skype too. Do you think Bella would kill me if I bought one for her before I leave?

*Nods* Probably. But you can suggest she buy one.

I'll just buy her one and put it somewhere she'll find it before I get on the plane. She can't kill me if I'm not there.

You are doubting Bella's skills now. She could hire someone.

*Gulps*

And now that we've got you warmed up we have a question from fcajoymarting. She wants to know and I'm quoting, "When are you going to pop the question for real?"

*Eyes widen* Have you met Bella? Bella Swan? Brown hair, doe eyes, temper of an angry viking?

*Rolls eyes* Yes, we know. She might not be ready for that step right now...

*Shakes head* Probably not. But when she's ready I'll be there. I'd be more than willing to marry her tomorrow.
*Leans closer to Marie conspiratorially*
Hey, you're the writer. Shouldn't you be telling me when Bella will be ready to marry me?

*Grins* All in due time, padawan. All in due time

*Groans*

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Okay so there it is. I hope you guys liked it. The next chapter will probably be up sometime Wednesday. Comment or truck-napper will think you don't love him. His poor self esteem is very fragile. :D Much Love!

EPOV of Chapter#1

Disclaimer: Tales of a charming truck-napper belongs to me but all things twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer.
This was written for cassii25 as a thank you for the beautiful banners she made me. Thanks again, girl!

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"Can you believe Jasper's getting married?" I asked. It boggled my mind that any of us were old enough to get married. Wasn't it yesterday that we were getting in trouble because we broke Aunt Esme's window? Actually the neighbor girl broke the window in retribution for sticking a frog down the back of her shirt but Esme didn't see the injustice of it all.
Emmett shrugged.
"I'm surprised it took him this long to ask her." he admitted. "You should see him when he's around her. He's a total wuss around the pixie, man."
I laughed.
"You can't say anything." I reminded him. "You're married too."
He grinned.
"And my Rosie is awesome." he notified me for the third time that morning. I rolled my eyes but I wasn't upset. I was happy for them both. Rose and Alice sounded pretty cool, even if they did have my boys by the balls.
"So, when are you getting married, Eddie?"
I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.
"I haven't really thought about it." I said honestly. Out of all the girls that I had dated I hadn't found one that I would purposefully tie myself to for the rest of my life.
He shrugged.
"You will when you find the right girl." he promised.
I chuckled.
"Is Emmett McCarty going doctor Phil on me now?" I joked.
He shot me a look, not appreciating the humor in the situation obviously. But believe me, it was funny. Emmett was not deep, by any stretch of the imagination. I met Emmett for the first time when I visited Jasper in college. I was hoping to meet some of these girls they'd been talking about but they were bummed because they had met new girls since talking to me last and they were visiting their parents over holiday. They swore they were "the ones." I had mocked them of course but I guess they were right because Emmett had married Rose as soon as he could possibly get the ring on her finger and my cousin was marrying the other in about a month. They hadn't been any fun that weekend and I hadn't met any hot college girls. But I didn't hold it against them and Emmett and I kept in touch since then off and on. He was a fun guy when he wasn't moping about his woman leaving him for the weekend.
"So what else has been going on?" I asked, pushing the sleeves of my sweatshirt up as we jogged.
He huffed, his breath visible in the air as he tugged his shirt up to wipe the sweat from his face.
"Nothing really." he shrugged. "Rosie's been bugging me about having a baby nonstop and Jasper got a new truck."
I quirked an eyebrow.
"Nothing much?" I quoted with a note of disbelief. "Jasper got a new truck? That's awesome!"
I used all the enthusiasm I could and then I let my face fall into shock, smacking him in the back of the head.
"Are you trying?" I asked.
"Trying?" He questioned, sounding too innocent.
I shot him a look.
"For a kid."
He watched his feet as they marked a steady pace across the trail.
"I don't know." he said finally. "I guess a kid would be cool but not right now."
He didn't want to talk about it so I wasn't going to push matters but that was huge. Was everyone growing up and doing the family thing now? Man, I was happy being single and working as an EMT. I couldn't even think of a family now. But maybe Em was right, maybe if I found the right girl.
"So you should steal Jasper's truck."
I stopped running, my heart giving a painful thump at the sudden halt.
"What?" I laughed, shaking my head and picking up a slow jog to keep my heart happy. Emmett slowed to match my stride so we could continue talking.
He grinned.
"He's completely OCD about that thing." he explained. "He's been driving me crazy."
"You were already crazy." I pointed out. Who else suggested you steal a vehicle because the owner was being annoying?
He ignored me.
"I don't mean steal it." He defended. "Just move it around the corner or something and watch him have a panic attack."
I chuckled, imagining the scene. That would be funny. Besides, I owed him for telling my last girlfriend I had an unidentifiable rash.
"I don't know, man." I hesitated. My whole family was crazy about their cars, myself included. Messing with Jasper's truck could be dangerous.
"I dare you."
I looked at Emmett, narrowing my eyes.
"What?"
He met my gaze, almost running into a tree which made me laugh.
"I dare you." he repeated. "I double dog dare you to move Jasper's truck."
The third grader in me knew now that I had to do it.

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I could not believe this was the truck Jasper was OCD about. I couldn't even believe this was something my cousin had picked out in the first place. If it wasn't parked in front of what I knew was his house I would have thought it was some scrap metal someone had abandoned there.
"Interesting." I muttered. Jasper had left the keys in the truck- that wasn't like him. He was also listening to Debussy I realized when I started the vehicle and the first few bars drifted around the cab. That was... odd. He always made fun of me for listening to this. I was never going to let him live this down- after all the crap he gave me!
I drove around the corner, surprised when it actually made it down the street and parked, turning the music up a little and waiting for the freak out.
My eyes snapped open and my head whipped up from the head rest when something started beeping from the glove compartment.
He had the truck rigged didn't he?
A small silver cell phone was beeping when I opened the glove compartment.
Missed call.
But that wasn't what held my attention. There was a picture on the front of the phone of three girls, at a party or club or something it looked like. I recognized Alice from the handful of times I'd seen her. She was smiling widely, her arm wrapped around the most beautiful brunet I'd ever seen. There was another girl smiling next to them but I didn't really see her.
I answered without really thinking when the phone rang again, almost in a daze.
"Hello?" I wasn't even really paying attention. Jasper's fiancee must know this woman; I'd probably even heard about her before. I must get them to introduce us.
"You a-hole!" Someone yelled.
I blinked out of my daze, actually pulling the phone away and looking at the screen before raising it back to my ear. That was not my cousin.
"Pardon me?"
"You stole my truck! What the hell are you thinking?" she fumed.
Who was this? And why were they screeching at me in a pitch feared by dogs everywhere? Seriously, it sounded like a whistle going off or something. I thought about telling her this but then something clicked. Did she just say...
"Your truck?" I asked, cringing. That just figures. I knew Jasper wouldn't buy this thing.
The enraged woman huffed.
"Yes!" she snapped. "My truck. You know, the one that you stole."
"Huh." I said, holding back a chuckle. Wasn't this just my luck? Man, I was going to have to tell the guys about this one. They were never going to believe it.
I didn't notice I was laughing until the woman whispered the fact to someone in the background, sounding more pissed off than she had before.
"What the hell is so funny?" she demanded.
My laughter stopped short.
"Nothing." I grinned, leaning back against the seat. This girl needed anger management bad!
"So... Debussy?" I added. "I'm impressed."
"What?" She asked, sounding stumped.
I chuckled.
"Debussy." I repeated. "It's what's in your CD player right now. It's one of my favorites."
And then the flood gates of hell opened.
"Stop listening to my music, get off my phone, and bring back my truck!" she was back to screeching. "Now! And what makes you think I care if you're impressed?"
"Fair enough." I chuckled. I guess I could see it from their point of view. But is all this yelling really necessary? She sounded like an angry little kitten. "Under the circumstances."
Maybe if I explained the situation she wouldn't be so angry.
"Would it make you feel any better if I told you I didn't mean to steal your truck?" I started, hopeful.
She snorted, a cynical laugh cutting across the air waves.
"I thought I was pranging my cousin." I explained. "I knew he had just bought a new truck and a friend of mine dared me to move it."
"Do you do everything you're dared to do?" She countered.
I blinked.
"Yes."
Of course I did. I wasn't going to be called a chicken!
"So," I continued when she made no comment. "it's all a simple misunderstanding. But I am terribly sorry."
I skipped to a different track on the cd idly while I talked, finding one that I liked.
"Forgive me?" I finished, thinking it was pretty much behind us already. I'd bring the truck back. I hadn't meant to take hers in the first place. There's no reason to start another world war over it.
"No!" she snapped. "And stop touching my stereo!"
I frowned. Well, clearly we didn't see eye to eye on that. A world war was what she hoped for it seemed.
"You have quite the temper don't you, Ms..." I trailed off, frowning. I couldn't exactly say, Ms. Beautiful Woman from the picture.
God, if you're listening please let this be the brunet from the picture. Yes, she clearly hates me at the moment but I can work with that.
"Uhm... I apologize." I said, polite. "But I don't think I've had the pleasure. What's your name miss?"
"I'm not giving you my name!" she snapped immediately.
Did I really sound like a serial killer or something over the phone? Oh well, I'd get to meet her soon when I returned the truck and we'd laugh about this one day.
"Fine," I dismissed. "I'll just call you Beautiful."
I grinned to myself but it fell from my face as said beautiful woman snorted.
"Does that ever actually work for you?" she asked, sounding unmoved in anyway except maybe to hate me more.
It did work actually. I was dumbfounded. Usually it worked pretty damn good as a matter of fact.
"Beautiful is not a name." she continued, her voice that of ice. "It's a description."
I quirked one eyebrow. Ms. Yells-Alot was very interesting undead. Was it possible I had just found a woman who looked good and could hold her own? I hear wedding bells.
"Awe." I smirked. "Beautiful is also a term of endearment. I could call you my love if you'd rather."
I grinned to myself, waiting for the inevitable. Her rants were rather amusing and I was looking forward to what she had planned to say to this one. It was so fun getting under her skin. I couldn't help but think it was going to be even more fun when I could see the little sneers she would send my way.
"You've never even seen me you arrogant little pr-"
"I have seen you." I interrupted.
She stopped short and I held back a chuckle. Very entertaining. I wonder what face she's making now?
"Well at least I'm assuming I have." I corrected.
"You know what they say about people who assume." she countered. "They make an ass out of you and me."
I laughed. This girl had fire!
"I do believe I've heard that somewhere." I agreed. "Regardless there is a charming photo on your cell phone of three very lovely ladies."
"You don't even know which one I am." She sniffed.
I grinned as I did a victory dance in my seat.
"Oh. So you are in the picture."
She didn't say anything and my smile grew. Little miss something to say to everything was quite?
"You're right. I don't know which one you are." I allowed, my mood faltering a bit by this fact. "But they are all very beautiful so the name works regardless."
Please be the brunet, I chanted in my mind. Please be the feisty brunet with the fire in her veins and the love for Debussy.
She scoffed.
"But," I continued. "I must admit I'm hoping you're the brunette."
"Well," she snapped. "Tough luck, buddy! I'm-"
Her sentence cut off and I frowned when I realized I was holding my breath. I didn't really matter which she was did it? Get it together, Cullen! You're just having some fun messing with the girl.
"You're what?" I prompted.
"I'm calling the police." She said, sounding resolved.
I winced. Crap.
"Is that really necessary?" I asked. What is with this girl? Yes, she thought she'd had her truck stolen but she now knew it was just a misunderstanding and of course I'd bring the thing back.
"Yes." She clipped furiously. "I do think it's necessary to report my stolen truck."
I rolled my eyes. Hadn't we gone over this?
"It's more like a borrowed truck." I corrected. She wasn't really going to call the police was she? I would kill Emmett if I ended up going to jail over this.
"Borrowed involves asking permission to use said vehicle."
I scoffed. She sounded like a dictionary.
"You are very into technicalities." I said. "I'll have it back as soon as I can."
"How soon would that be?" she asked.
I quirked one eyebrow, an evil smile pulling one side of my lips into a smirk.
"Oh, I don't know." I replied easily, sounding bored.
"If it's not back in ten minutes I'm calling the police." She threatened.
I looked in the rear view mirror. I could almost see Jasper and Alice's house from here. I had plenty of time.
"How about half an hour?" I tried, biting my lip against a chuckle when she actually growled.
"This is not up for debate." She snapped. "Ten minutes."
"How about twenty?" I pushed.
"I'm calling now." She informed me angrily.
I let my laughter slip out.
"Okay, okay." I relented, chuckling. "I'm right around the corner. I'll be there in three minutes."
"If you were right around the corner why did you try to barter for more time?" she demanded, sounding exasperated.
Because I loved hearing the fire in her tone. It was hot.
I shook my head, grinning as I put the truck in reverse and nudged the volume on the stereo up.
"Because you're so easy to rile up. It's kind of fun." I said truthfully. "See you soon, Beautiful."
I hung up before she had time to respond and drove the rest of the way to Jasper's house in a rush.